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There is an old Chinese story about the “old man under the moon” (月下老人) who is the god of matrimony.
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During the Tang Dynasty, there was a young man named Wei Gu. Once he was passing the city of Songcheng, where he saw an old man leaning on his pack reading a book in the moonlight. Being amazed at it, Wei Gu walked up and asked what he was doing. The old man answered, “I am reading a book of marriage listing for who is going to marry whom. In my pack are red cords for tying the feet of husband and wife.” When Wei Gu and the old man came together to a marketplace, they saw a blind old woman carrying a three-year-old little girl in her arms. The old man said to Wei Gu,” This little girl will be your wife in the future.” Wei Gu thought this was too strange to believe and he ordered his servant to stab the girl with his knife.
Fourteen years later, Wang Tai, the governor of Xiangzhou, gave Wei Gu his daughter in marriage. The daughter was a beautiful young woman, but Wei Gu found that there was a scar between her eyebrows. When he asked what had happened, he was told that she had been stabbed by a man in the marketplace fourteen years before.
The red thread is a popular symbol within the China adoptive community and is symbolic of the link between adoptive parents and their child waiting in China: “An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.”
Today we begin our journey of tracing the red thread to Xia Mei. Our flight leaves at 1 pm this afternoon and we arrive in Beijing at 9 pm tomorrow Nov 19. My next post will be coming from China. I’ll also be posting Flickr slideshows and videos on the mashup I created.
We’ve practically made it. We leave tomorrow for China. We’re pretty much all packed and ready to go. I’ll print out the boarding passes this evening. Our flight leaves tomorrow at 1 pm and we’ll head out to the airport mid-morning. Laurel and Abby will fly into Minneapolis tonight and stay overnight at our house.
In preparation for the flight, Karen and I have been doing the anti-jet lag diet. We did it last time when we went to China and Karen has done it before when she travelled to Europe. I think it helps. China is 14 hours ahead of us. Since I usually can’t sleep on airplanes, I’ll be pretty sleep deprived when I get over there. Last time though, my jet lag wasn’t bad going to China but was far worse coming back to the States.
We’ve made our packing lists and have started to pack. We will be bringing three suitcases to check in and three carry-ons. The latest forecast for Beijing is upper 40 to low fifties for highs with lows in the upper 20s. For Nanchang, the long term fore cast for the time we will be there will have highs in the 60s and lows in the upper 40s. Guangzhou is in the 70s and 80s. it is nice that we won’t have to worry about winter clothes and we can dress layers in Beijing. We are also packing clothes for Olivia.
Karen began her maternity leave on Friday. She’ll have three months off. Grace and Karen took my dad to an assisted living facility for the three weeks that we will be gone. He’ll be staying in an apartment there and will be in memory care during the day. Grace will be doing her packing this weekend. Hopefully we’ll be in pretty good shape by the end of the weekend.
China has a one child policy which stipulates that families have only one child. Families that violate the policy are required to pay fines and might be denied bonuses at their workplace. Parents also have to pay for the schooling of both the children and all the family’s health care. The policy is enforced on the provincial level and so enforcement can vary from region to region.
There are exceptions to the policy though. If the couple are both from an ethnic minority or if both parents are only children, they can have more than one child. Children born overseas do not count under the policy since they aren’t Chinese citizens. Overseas Chinese therefore can have a second child when they return to China. In many rural areas, there is a “one and a half children policy” in which couples are allowed to have a second child if their first born is a girl. It is quite possible that both Hua Mei and Xia Mei have older sisters.
According to a 2007 study, the one child policy has been quite effective in reducing the country’s fertility rate. The average mandated fertility rate for the country is 1.47 children per couple, taking into account the policy exceptions described above. Analysis of China’s census data showed the actual fertility rate was about 1.5 children per couple. The study found that 63 percent of Chinese couples had complied with the one child policy and actual birth rates decreased nearly to the mandated levels.
In Chinese culture there has been a traditional preference for boys. In the old days, when a daughter weds, she become a member of her husband’s extended family. Today, since China does not have a social security system, the older generation depends on the son to support them when they grow old. When you consider that most Chinese retire in their 50s, this puts even greater emphasis on the desire for sons.
The gender ratio in 2005 in China was around 118 boys born to every 100 girls. Based on genetics (go ahead and do the Punnett square), this ratio should be closer to 50:50. A byproduct of the one-child policy has been the number of baby girls who are put up for international adoption.
This sign reads, “It is forbidden to discriminate against, mistreat or abandon baby girls.”
When my father saw the photo of Xia Mei, the first thing he said was, “xiao pang pang”
which means little fatty. Later he called her, “xiao ber tou”
which means small forehead. These are pretty typical Chinese nicknames. If you watch kung fu or Hong Kong movies, often the fat character is called “pangzi”
which will be translated as fatty or fatso. You use pang pang for girls and pangzi for boys.
I typically call Hua Mei, “Hua er.”
where er is from the word “erzi”
meaning son but in this context is more like the diminutive form or a term of endearment. Interestingly, the Chinese word for daughter is “nu er”
where nu means woman so nu er literally means female son. It’s pretty obvious that the cultural preference for sons is manifested in the language.
I also call Hua Mei, “xiao houzi”
meaning little monkey.
When we get Xia Mei, I expect that I will probably call her “Xia er.”
There are a bunch of documents we need to bring to China to formalize the adoption. These are for both the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs and the US Consulate. It was a fairly long process getting all the forms completed, signed, and approved. This week as we were getting everything together, we realized that we were missing an important form from China. On Monday, Karen checked with CHSFS and they told us that they had a copy of it and that they sent it to us on Sep 29. They said that we needed the original for China. Both Karen and I had no recollection of receiving the form but we were afraid that we had somehow misplaced it.
We searched all over the house but could not find it. Our mailbox empties into our front closet so we thought that perhaps it might have fallen to the bottom of the closet and got buried. Unfortunately, this was not the case. We have had occasion when we’ve received neighbor’s mail and they had received ours so we were afraid that perhaps it had gotten lost in the mail. Early Tue morning I sent an email to CHSFS to see if they might be able to put a trace through the post office and to start the process of getting another copy of the document. It being Veterans Day, the post office would be closed.
The only other possibility was that I had put it into our safety deposit box and forgot. I checked there after work on Tue but as I suspected, it was not there. Upon returning home, I checked our phone for messages and there was a message from CHSFS. They had called in the morning and had located the document. It had been left at the front desk for Karen to pick up. Whew.
When Karen came home, I happily greeted her at the door. I figured that she had talked with CHSFS during the day and picked up the document. Anyway, when I told her about the voice message, she nearly collapsed in relief. She didn’t know that the document was found.
So, we are all set for China. We have our visas, our plane tickets, and all the necessary documents. We “just” have to finish packing. At least we have a clean and tidy front closet. One day I’m sure we’ll look back on this episode and laugh. Not.
On the day we received Hua Mei in Wuhan, she was a very playful and happy baby throughout the day. In the evening, however, she soon realized that she wasn’t returning to her foster parents and was remaining with these strangers. Throughout the evening and night she was confused, afraid and inconsolable.
At the hotel store, the manager said that the hand drum was a very popular toy with kids and that Hua Mei would enjoy it. Sure enough, when she saw the drum and played with it, her spirits rose immediately. It was a way to distract her, make her laugh and have something to play with. We told the other families about it and they also got drums. It did make the transition easier.
The staff at the store was quite kind to us. When we first arrived, they gave every family a complimentary jade necklace for the baby with a monkey for the year they were born.
btw, later in Wuhan, Hua Mei graduated to a larger drum.
The CDC has a website with health information for China. This is the link for travelers to China.
Karen, Hua Mei and I all have gotten Hepatitis A and B vaccinations. Karen and I had to get them in preparation for our 2005 trip to China and Hua Mei got them when she was in China. We all recently got our flu shots for this winter. Since we will be staying in urban areas, we did not get typhoid shots. We didn’t get them for our last trip either. I asked my doctor about it when I got my flu shot and he thought it wasn’t necessary given that we would be only in large cities.
With regard to the infant formula issue (melamamin), the CDC gives the following recommendations:
- Because of uncertainties related to dairy products in China at this time, CDC recommends that you do not consume any dairy products produced in China, including:
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◊ All brands of infant formula
◊ Milk or other drinks that contain milk products
◊ Food, such as yogurt or ice cream that could be milk-based or contain a large amount of milk or milk products.
◊ Please note that many foods and drinks contain milk products, such as candies, crackers, and desserts. Look for these ingredients on the food or drink label:
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• milk
• milk powder
• whey
• lactose
• casein
It is important to note that dairy products produced in the United States and imported into China for sale are not affected.
This is the information that we received from CHSFS regarding the issue:
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We have been monitoring the recent news from China involving dairy products that were tainted with melamine as a method to increase protein content. Infant formula was one of the food products affected, as you’ve likely heard from various media reports in the past week.
We have been in contact with CCAA to request additional information regarding the potential health hazard this may have on children in China’s social welfare system. To date, the CCAA does not have any official information to share. It is the responsibility of the orphanages to monitor the health of children in their care and to report any health concerns to the CCAA as part of a child’s medical exam; likewise, any changes in health are reported to the CCAA through updates.
We recommend that you inform your child’s pediatrician that this is a concern, so that he or she can order the appropriate tests and monitor the child for possible side effects.
Here are our contact numbers in China:
Novotel Peace Hotel
3 Jinyu Hutong
Wangfujing
100006 BEIJING
CHINA
Tel (011+86)10/65128833
Fax (011+86)10/65126863
E-mail novotel@novotelpeacebj.com
Gloria Grand Hotel Nanchang
39 Yan Jiang North Avenue
330008 NANCHANG
CHINA
Tel (011+86)791-673-8855
Fax (011+86)791-673-8533
E-mail: gloria@gphnanchang.com
White Swan Hotel
No. 1 Southern Street
Shamian Island
510133 GUANGZHOU
CHINA
Tel (011+86) 20 81886968
Fax (011+86) 20 81861188
E-mail swan@whiteswanhotel.com
Also the contact info for the U.S. Consulate is
U.S. Consulate General Guangzhou
Adopted Children Immigration Visa Unit (ACIVU)
5th Floor Tian Yu Garden
136-146 Lin He Zhong Lu
Tian He District, Guangzhou
www.usembassy-china.org.cn
Tel: (011+86) 20-8121-8000
Fax: (011+86) 20-2884-4420
Also, the contact info for CHSFS is:
Children’s Home Society & Family Services
1605 Eustis Street
St. Paul, MN 55108-1219
The following is a list of suggested restaurants near the White Swan Hotel that CHSFS sent to us:
• Hotel Bakery and Deli – just outside the hotel to the left about 50 yards
• Shamian Cafe – just outside the hotel to the right about 50 yards
• Lucy’s Bar and Restaurant – outside the hotel, turn right and go about 200 yards
• Dim sum restaurant – 2nd floor of hotel, every morning
• Pizza Hut delivery – call 8191-2827 or 8191-2805
• 2 Cantonese style restaurants – just outside the hotel to the right about 100 yards
• Danny’s Bagels (delivery) – call 8438-5823 or email to schedule a delivery: gzbagels@yahoo.com
We had eaten at the dim sum restaurant.
It was quite good. You order off the menu (rather than carts coming around). They had a quite a few things I’d never had before. Hua Mei loved it.
We also went to Lucy’s Bar and Restaurant. It is near the park by the river. It was mostly western style food. We went to the Cantonese restaurant that had the tanks of fresh fish in the entrance. That was quite good. We also went to a Thai restaurant that we liked that was a couple blocks away.
For laundry we used a place across the street from the hotel. They gave us a stroller for the week we were there too.
Across the street from the laundry was a gift shop that we bought t-shirts and other souvenirs.
A great map of Shamian Island can be found here.
The pdf version of this map can be printed from here.
